In our Marriage Counseling practice, Marriage Rescue Associates, we normally hear how one spouse chases and begs the other with unhappy outcomes.
The following illustrates a dynamic prevalent to mankind. It is even prevalent in the world of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be extremely important in regaining your spouse's interest.
Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if a single person expresses all the optimism and confidence, the other individual is invited to feel all the pessimism and insecurity. One goes up—the other goes down.
Spouses normally balance every other in this way in what is called the "Avoider- Pursuer" dynamic. When one person's position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.
When one individual wants the marriage to function, pretty typical patterns emerge. The spouse who wants to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Usually there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening—anything—to attempt to win back the departing spouse.
"I know deep down inside you nonetheless adore me," she says, in an work to convince him to preserve trying, or "What about all these years together?" We have a history that should not be thrown away," she tells him, hoping he will see the light. "I promise I'll modify, I know it can perform," he tells her, praying she will give him 1 extra opportunity.
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