In our Marriage Counseling practice, Marriage Rescue Associates, we normally hear how one spouse chases and begs the other with unhappy outcomes.
The following illustrates a dynamic standard to mankind. It is even prevalent in the world of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be quite beneficial in regaining your spouse's interest.
Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if one particular person expresses all the optimism and confidence, the other person is invited to really feel all the pessimism and insecurity. A single goes up—the other goes down.
Spouses generally balance each and every other in this way in what is referred to as the "Avoider- Pursuer" dynamic. When 1 person's position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.
When one person desires the marriage to function, fairly typical patterns emerge. The spouse who desires to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Usually there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening—anything—to try to win back the departing spouse.
"I know deep down inside you still adore me," she says, in an effort to convince him to maintain trying, or "What about all these years together?" We have a history that shouldn't be thrown away," she tells him, hoping he will see the light. "I promise I'll modify, I know it can function," he tells her, praying she will give him one a great deal more likelihood.
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