Christian Marriage Counseling: How to Win Back the One You Love

This write-up is intended for somebody whose spouse is not interested in them or the relationship any longer. It is not meant for all marriages.

The following dynamic is popular to mankind. It really is even prevalent in the planet of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be very beneficial in regaining your spouse's interest.

Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if one particular individual expresses all the optimism and confidence, the other individual is invited to really feel all the pessimism and insecurity. One goes up—the other goes down.

Spouses quite often balance each other in this way in what is known as the "Avoider- Pursuer" dynamic. When 1 person's position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.

When one person desires the marriage to function, fairly typical patterns emerge. The spouse who desires to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Generally there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening, anything to attempt to win back the departing spouse.

"I know deep down inside you nonetheless adore me," she says, in an effort to convince him to preserve attempting, or "What about all these years together? We have a history that shouldn't be thrown away," she tells him, hoping he will see the light. "I promise I'll transform, I know it can work," he tells her, praying she will give him one alot more opportunity.

Though these acts of desperation are understandable, unfortunately they have the paradoxical effect of truly rising the chances of divorce. The a great deal more desperate the spouse who wants to keep the marriage alive, the much less appealing he or she becomes. The result? The reluctant spouse becomes much more particular that the selection to divorce is the proper a single and withdraws even additional.