Christian Marriage Counseling: How to Win Back the One You Love

This article is intended for someone whose spouse is not interested in them or the relationship any longer. It is not meant for all marriages.

The following dynamic is frequent to mankind. It's even prevalent in the planet of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be pretty useful in regaining your spouse's interest.

Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if one particular person expresses all the optimism and self-confidence, the other person is invited to really feel all the pessimism and insecurity. One particular goes up—the other goes down.

Spouses usually balance every other in this way in what is called the "Avoider- Pursuer" dynamic. When one particular person's position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.

When 1 individual wants the marriage to work, fairly typical patterns emerge. The spouse who desires to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Often there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening, something to try to win back the departing spouse.

"I know deep down inside you nevertheless like me," she says, in an effort to convince him to keep trying, or "What about all these years together? We have a history that shouldn't be thrown away," she tells him, hoping he will see the light. "I promise I'll alter, I know it can work," he tells her, praying she will give him one significantly more opportunity.

Although these acts of desperation are understandable, regrettably they have the paradoxical impact of actually growing the probabilities of divorce. The more desperate the spouse who desires to keep the marriage alive, the less appealing he or she becomes. The result? The reluctant spouse becomes a lot more particular that the choice to divorce is the perfect one particular and withdraws even further.